Right on the Edge

Its 9:20 on a Monday morning and Im sitting here contemplating what I feel is going to be one of the biggest decisions of my life.

Do I stay or do I go?

I have worked at the same place for 5 years.

In fact I started there basically right out of school.

I love my JOB.

I love my clients.

I love their families.

I do not love the company….. Anymore.

Once upon a time i couldn't wait to get to work

I adored my manager and loved the support we received.

Things have changed.

I have worked through a worldwide pandemic, still giving my clients the best care possible.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of not having the support necessary in my field of work

I'm tired of killing my back

I'm tired of dealing with the office

I'm tired.

In the last month I have managed to secure my dream job!

The job i have always wanted to do

The job I thought I need to go to school for years to attain.

I asked the Universe for something new and this job literally fell from the sky.

Perfect hours.

Perfect position.

Perfect pay.

The only thing is its a contract, they may end in 2 months or 2 years nobody really knows.

I have faith

I have faith that this will work out and this is the beginning of a beautiful career.

I have faith I will work there until I am no longer able to give it my all.

So why cant I let go of the one thing I constantly complain about?

Why not just say heres my 2 weeks I'm done?

I thought it was because I love my clients.

But that's not it.

Even if it was, they are all so happy for me to continue on in my life even if I have to leave them.

I tried to cover up my discontent by being stoic and saying I can't leave them they need me.

BUt you know who else needs me?

I do.

I need to be able to wake up excited again.

I need to be able to say every area of my life is exactly how I want it to look.

I need to be able to just be me.

I wrote this with the intent that maybe I could make my decision if I wrote this all out on paper.

I share this with the intention that someone else struggling with the same thing might gain perspective they were looking for.

What is it I’m scared of?

I am scared to let go without knowing what lays ahead.

I can continue to let my ego come up with excuses on why I cant or shouldnt.

Or I can jump

The Universe has never let me down when I am being my authentic, true self ,strong ass human I have worked so hard to become.

There's always a solution no matter what.

But focusing there will only create use for a solution I don't even need right now.

So you know what?

I'm going to jump.

I'm going to trust.

I'm going to give it all I got.

I am going to trust the divine plan

I am going to trust that I know what I am doing <3

And so it is <3